Fishing for compliments

Self-confidence comes from within, but the good kind of confidence comes from everyone around you constantly telling you how great you are. Earn outer-confidence by repeating these sure-fire compliment-baiting comments:

The Bait: "I just got a haircut."
The Expected Compliment: "Wow, you look great."

The Bait: "I'm recovering from major surgery."
The Expected Compliment: "Wow, your insides must be in an especially correct order."

The Bait: "If you think the clothes I'm wearing look expensive, you should see the tuxedo I'm wearing as underwear—it's made from real silver."
The Expected Compliment: "You've spent your money wisely and compelled me to ask for your hand in friendship."

The Bait: "I gave so much money to charity that they completely solved world stupidness, or whatever the charity's problem was."
The Expected Compliment: "I'm nominating you for sainthood and for mayor."

The Bait: "I feel an empty hole inside me that nothing can fill."
The Expected Compliment: "Your unique admission has made me fall in love with you. You're better than everyone you went to high school with."

Wow. Lol

Used these at work today.......anyone know of any job openings?